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Thursday, June 16, 2011

My Author Interview Kidnapping

I made a rash decision to post interviews with indie authors about a month ago. I feel compelled to bullshit you and tell you that my decison to transform my blog into a platform that includes author interviews was inspired by something really profound like Rev. Joel Olsteen appearing in one of my dreams in a pink zoot suit, mink coat and diamond encrusted goblet to tell me my next steps in my quest to sell more ebooks; or by something really cool and frightening happening to me like three men disguised as ninjas hopping out of a stretch Hummer kidnapping me and peeling off at one-hundred miles per hour to an undisclosed location where all I see are trees, lizards, and the sound of frogs occasionally eating flies as big as Shaquille O'Neal. That's when the three men unmasked themselves: its James Patterson, Dan Brown, and Stephen King. For some strange reason I saw Yogi Berra taking a piss on a alligator. James Patterson snaps his finger and a crystal ball appears and begins to levitate. Dan Brown acts as a lookout and pitches a tent. Yogi Berra is now wrestling with the alligator yelling "if you would be still you'd make a nice pair of gators. If you don't be still, you gonna be a pair of shoes in your next life!" Stephen King then holds a torch to his face and says to me with a really deep, breathy voice, "Glenn, you are the chosen one. You are going to blog and you're going to interview indie authors." The levitating crystal ball turns into a the cheapest piece of shit laptop that says Generic. I then mustered up enough courage to ask "so what about my books? Will I ever become a best-selling author?" Dan and James turn to me and says "Glenn, touch the laptop. Now!" I touched the laptop, and Stephen King hits me with the butt of his pistol. I wake up and I'm at home working on five best-sellers at once. I type a total of 250,000 words to complete five books in one night.

Of course, none of that happened. I just wanted to make my contribution to the indie author community in an informal blog format. My idea wasn't original. I stole it from David Wieshart at Kindle Author blog while he was sleeping. I heard a creaking noise while I was stealing from David so I dashed over to N.L. Earnshaw's Indie eBooks blog and stole what I couldn't steal from David Wisehart.

As a result, I've interviewed over a couple dozen authors so far and I've learned one thing: no one has the same story. I found some of the author's stories enlightening, some hilarious, and some inspiring. I look forward to interviewing more authors as this blog continues to evolve. All interviews will be scheduled to post on upcoming Mondays and Wednesdays, so continue visiting my blog for interview posts and my own unscheduled blog posts.

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