Thursday, June 10, 2010

Missing You

Reposted from Facebook Originally written Friday May 21, 2010

I wrote this piece months after I stopped talking to KR. The reason its taken me so long to write this piece is because I was mad at the time I decided to stop talking to her. I was mad arrogant, grabbin' my nuts, throwing up my middle fanga (I know how to spell), lying to myself, telling myself that she ain't all that and there's better fish in the sea. I figured I'm a handsome man so getting women is no issue for me. Now, I know you must be thinking that I'm going through a lot over this woman, but the fact of the matter is that I've never met anyone like her and never will. Some of you may say, "dude, you need to date a few women and get you some pussy." I did, and I can tell you that all it does for me is reinforce why I miss KR while highlighting their shortcomings. Not that KR is a goddess of perfection -far from it. Don't let her cute face fool ya, she's nuttier than a pecan pie. Yes KR is fucking nuts, but I'm comfortable with her nuttiness. With other women, their nutty ways turn me off because I can't deal with them, but I never felt that way with KR. And when I say she's a nut, I'm not trying to say that she spends her days in a straitjacket slobbing on herself.. far from it! You'd just have to know her to understand what I'm talking about.

Now I will admit that I only dated a little here and there, but not nearly as much as last year due to school, work, and my $74 into $7000 in 6 weeks challenge... I was fucking busy! I really got busy as I briefly dated the most recent woman that I no longer see, I'll call her SJ. I liked SJ, but I had one problem with her: I was okay with her not texting or calling me for a few days and not seeing her until I got to work. In fact, I started my $74 into $7000 challenge shortly after I started dating her and I found myself placing more importance on gambling than SJ. In fact, I could have cared less whether or not I heard from her during my 8 hour poker sessions. After a while I had to ask myself, "what the fuck are you doing Glenn?" "You found love twice with the same woman and turned it into a love fiasco with your impatience and ego. You know damn well you ain't wanna leave her and the only reason you left her was because you were too fucking stupid to hear her out and try to understand her feelings! You didn't think what you said was offensive to her and she got offended anyway? Who cares? She was offended, and all you know how to do is fucking walk away. Yeah your feelings were hurt, but so were hers, and you call yourself a reader of people or some bullshit like that. Man, you need to go after her right now or you'll be referring to her as the one who got away for the rest of your life." Once I came to this realization, I knew that I was wasting my time talking to SJ when I know full well that I have no intentions of making her my wife. As nice as she is, I never felt any vibe with SJ that she completed me and I completed her --I only felt that way with KR. So in realizing this, I made several attempts to reach out to KR with no success. The only thing I left myself with is an empty feeling of hurt and disappointment.

Later on that night I found myself restless and unable to sleep thinking about KR. So I got up, found two sheets of paper and wrote the following poem:

Missing You

Hey lil chocolate
Ms Magnificent
I wanna say what's up to you
And maybe even talk to you

Not responding back?
Well, I don't blame you
I told you I was through with you
But my heart was never through with you

When I'm mean, I say things I don't mean
Girl, you mean the worlds to me
-and the galaxy
Pride gets the best of me
Knowing you're the best for me
Baby, I need you next to me
You entering my life was God blessing me

Yet I acted a fool
Like I wasn't into you
Worked so hard to get back with you
Just to turn my back on you

I miss you being silly and the way you make me laugh
I need to make room in my heart for you
-my better half

I miss how you talk too much
Just to ask me later on if you talked too much
Girl, you know you too much

You so intelligent, but goofy as you wanna be
I hope a little part of you still want to be with me
Because KR, you're the one for me

I miss you

Glenn Gamble
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