Thursday, May 6, 2010

Day 8: $1.00 + $0.20 SnG Poker Experts (My Rant)

These fucking donkeys who think they know how to properly play tournament poker kill me with their incessant whining and their lack of real knowledge of the game. Seriously, most of the "expert advice" that you hear at the poker table is very basic theory at best, and most of it is fucking WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! They don't know texture of flops, they don't know how to play other folks hands and they don't know how to put people on hands. In other words, they go to the 2+2 forums and other online poker forums to share bad advice, and they absorb it and regurgitate it when they play this game wrong.

For instance, this one woman, I'll just say her name is Alice --although I'm tempted to give out her real username so the shark can go online and devour her, except that it wouldn't be worth their time (more on that later)-- and she's one of the many predictable "experts" who suck at poker and who will never play higher than $1 donkaments. Anyway, I had AQ on the button, and I put in a huge raise to get max value for it since I was in late position. Two donks called, and the flop came 5h 5c 6h. Okay, I hit neither my ace or my queen, but I knew the two other guys probably called me with high cards so the flop more than likely didn't hit them either unless they were holding a pair of fives or a pair of sixes, either scenario I'm cooked anyway. So when the two donks checked to me, I made a pot-sized bet of 640 chips. First guy to act folds and the second guy, let's say that his name is Jose, reraised me all in. Since half my chips are in the pot and the pot is now 2400+ chips, I'm getting 3 to 1 to call, and I totally figured that he didn't have a full house. I was right! He had Q9 of hearts hoping to hit his flush draw. I have him dominated and I'm just counting his chips as the cards flip. This fucker hits a 9 on the river so I'm going off on him at this point through the chat box. Fuck's sake I was mad and I was down to 440 chips early in the tournament.

All of a sudden Alice tells me that I made a bad play by betting out on the flop. WHAT? Betting the flop when I'm holding the best hand is a bad play? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Granted, most people would say that I was bluffing, but I've been playing this game long enough to recognize people's tendencies and textures of flops as it relates to the action preflop and post-flop. I won't say that I'm the best that's ever played, but I'm pretty good at recognizing where I am in a hand as it relates to the possible cards that the $1 donks would call a raise with. Q9 suited falls within that range as well as KJ, J10, K10, Q10, AJ, AK, AQ, KQ, Q8, and a few more that I left out, but you get the idea. That flop hit none of those high cards! The idiot could have also played small pairs, but they hit the flop for 3 of a kind only 13% of the time. Trust me, as many sets as I've hit, I've had many more times where I played a small pair such as a pair of fours only to have to fold them when they don't hit the flop. With the simple math in my favor, I'm going to be correct 87% of the time in assessing that they didn't hit a set, therefore I'm going to be able to bet a lot of players off a small pair in that spot. The 13% of the time that they hit a set or make a ballsy call, fuck it I got a sick bankroll for the buy in that I'm playing, I'll buy into another sit n go and try again.

After Alice didn't understand any part of me typing "I knew where I was at and I knew I had the best hand" I dropped the topic momentarily while watching my short stack chip down to 380 chips. When I finally got A 4 offsuit, I decided to go all in with that hand knowing that I might be going in with the worst of it preflop. So one person goes all in with 700 in chips. Alice calls with AK and I call saying to myself "if these two have small or medium pairs, I might still get lucky and out flop them. Sure enough the flop comes Kc 2s 3c, the turn brings a 5, and the river brings a 4. The board gave me an ace to five straight and the other guy lost holding QJ, so I tripled up, and the woman won the extra 400 chips since I didn't have enough chips to win them.

This woman was piping mad, calling me a fish and telling me how I made such a terrible play moving all in with A 4 preflop. I asked, "what's wrong with going in with A 4?" She types in all caps "A 4 HAS NO SHOWDOWN VALUE! YOU WERE A HUGE UNDERDOG, BUT THAT'S POKER. YOU LIKE TO PLAY WITH LUCK INSTEAD OF SKILL YOU FCKING NEWBIE." She had me rolling, in fact, I knew that I was an underdog, but I was not going to wait for a premium two card hand and only have 100 chips to double or triple up. She says to me, that was a terrible move and only a donkey would make that move. So after I hee-hawed for a minute I then said to her, "well, showdown value has little to no value when you're on the verge of blinding out at any time in a tournament. There's nothing noble about folding until I'm forced to go all-in. I'd rather bust out with a chance to triple up, or spend my time more productively playing another tournament.

Ironically, me and the woman made it to the final table and I was a low to middle stack, by far the hardest stack to play, because you need to get chips in order for the other players to fear you. I raised Alice with 10 8 offsuit, and she moved all in with A J offsuit. She had so few chips that it only cost me 417 more than my bluff to call. Not to mention that I was getting 9 to 1 to call, so I called and although she had me beat preflop, I had two live cards to catch up to her. I didn't catch up though, but I still had 2400 in chips. I still had fold equity in going all in since a lot of the stacks weren't huge. A few hands later I get J 9 suited. Not a great hand, but this marginal hand can turn into a monster with help, but my hope was to get the blinds to lay their hands down so I could steal the blinds and antes. Of course, I the guy didn't fold and I ended up busting out to dude's KQ hand. Oh well, that's what I have to deal with in playing sngs, those frustrating times that I finish 2 seats out the money.

Getting back to the hand I lost to Alice's AJ, she was talking major shit to me. "That's for the A4 hand that you sucked out on me with!" I said "okay, I'll give you that." She proceeds to tell me that I'm a moron for calling her with 10 8 because her raise represented a good hand." Yes, it did, but when you're a short stack, you have very little fold equity. In fact, she had NO FOLD EQUITY. It costed less than the big blind to call her. Now why would I ever fold under those circumstances especially when I'm not in danger of elimination? I'll answer that for you... I'LL NEVER FUCKING EVER FOLD IN THAT SPOT! And you'll be surprised how many short stacks get busted by shit hands like my 10 8 when they have no fold equity.. that's poker, fucking deal with it!

Of course she goes on to state that I'm a huge fish and that I'm a new player who needs to learn how to play poker. Anyone who has read my novel knows that I have a pretty decent idea of how to play poker. More than likely, I've been playing poker longer than her, and even if I haven't, I'm still a better player than her. Of course I went on to tease by saying "yep, I'm a huge fish hook, line, and sinker! Put out a worm for me one time!" Now you see why it comes as no surprise when she was doing the happy dance when I got eliminated out of the money.. again, disappointing, but not a huge deal.. that's sit n go poker and if I can't handle losing a few spots out the money (on the bubble) then I don't fucking need to play poker. I would play checkers with KR's 3 year old son since there's never a fucking bubble there and it would probably be more fun anyway --although I enjoy playing poker too.

So when I busted, I decided to see how big of a pro Alice is. When I saw that she was only playing one $1.00+$0.20 sng and not playing any other sngs or cash games I lost the little respect that I had for her game there. I can't respect the opinion of no one who ain't making no fucking money playing sngs. If you only playing one $1.00+$0.20 sng where you can only win $14 at most, you're making $4.34 an hour if you win every tournament which no one ever does. Since her monkey ass is only making $1 every two days her poker advice isn't worth shit.

Readers, whose advice makes more sense:

Advice coming from someone who makes $1 every two days if she's lucky or advice coming from someone who made $52 today playing those same $1 sit n gos and has turned $74 into $241.44 so far?

And remember, I tell you the truth about when I lose and why I lose. Anyone can regurgitate advice regarding technical skill, and technical skill is an important foundation of your poker game, but its the intangibles that separate average tournament/sit n go players from the ones that win tournaments on a consistent basis. I'm also honest enough to tell you about the times where I don't have a process in place. For instance, today, I should have made $80, but I didn't register for tournaments often enough to maximize my time and profit, but oh well, I'll make sure to be more cognizant of time and tournaments that I'm playing.

My bankroll today is $241.44