For those of you who are unfamiliar with my personal challenge to turn $74 into $7000 click the following link and read my I Will Turn $74.00 into $7000 By Jun 1st (06-01-2010) blog.
I ran pretty bad today. I cashed in less than 20% of my sit n gos at a loss of $6. Today, I decided to go to McDonald's to utilize their free wi-fi and play my sit-n-gos. What a bad idea! I had tons of disconnection problems during the middle of my sit-n-gos where I eventually had to drive back home to get on my trusty dial up connection to finish my last 10 sit n gos in which I cashed in only 2 because I got blinded down to almost nothing on most of the tables I was on, and eventually got eliminated because people didn't fear calling me. This was towards the end of my day.
Throughout my day I was getting bad beat left and right by bad players who were chasing 2 outers or paying huge prices to catch their flush draws versus my pocket aces, etc. I don't let people draw out on me cheaply, but I ran into the donkeys who were sucking out on me and eliminating me from sit n gos that I might have otherwise won. At one point during the day, I was down $16, but fortunately, I was able to make a comeback and cut my losses down to $6 before quitting for the day. I will spare the details of my bad beats because 1) you're not interested in reading about them; 2) these idiots who play bad are the reason why there's money to be made playing online poker --they just got lucky on me today. I'm glad that they're making dumb calls on me with weak hands where I'm a 70% favorite to win. In those all-in situations, hands that win 30% of the time against me, were winning 70% of the time, but in the grand scheme of all the sit n gos and hands I played, I've seen so many flush draws that these donks chased on me not hit, and I either crippled their stack or eliminated them so the numbers will fall in place.
I did learn one thing today.. it will be a while before I can seemlessly play 30 tables effectively. I played 20 at the same time this morning and I kept timing out at various tables. I've decided that I play my best when I'm playing 10 - 15 tables at most, so that's what I'll do and I'll slowly build up to 30, 40 and 50 tables at once.
I feel very disappointed in how my day went because I spent most of the day being down, made a $10 comeback midday, then broke even at the end of the day for a loss of $6 dollars. When you spend a day playing well only to break even or take a small loss, its really disheartening and it feels like my self-imposed challenge is impossible to accomplish for that moment, but I got people on facebook following my progress and I can't let them down and that motivates me to continue moving forward with my challenge. If I fail to make $7,000 by June 1st, I will post how much I fell short by. However the one positive that I can take away from this day is that I persevered when things weren't going my way instead of blowing up and playing bad, or saying "fuck this challenge!" See, my temperament has gotten better over the years, but I have blown up at people and over situations from time to time only to feel bad about my judgment later on. This happened when I got angry with my former classmates, insulted them, then argued with them on facebook. Because of my temperament I really feel good about not giving up on my play and playing badly because I'm angry.
The important thing for me to remember is that I will get angry with donks when they're fucking me up with bad plays that they luck out on and beat me with --instead of appearing to not be angry. I'm actually applying this to my personal life too. Basically, recognize that I'm angry and why I'm angry then proceed to think about the course of action that would allow me to blow off steam steam, but accomplish nothing; and the course of action that I would take if I were not angry at all. In the poker sense, recognize that I'm angry because idiots are beating me with bad play; then think about the course of action that would allow me to blow off steam and accomplish nothing which in this case would to be to join the donks in playing bad and trying to suck out on someone; and the course of action I would take if I were not angry would be to realize that bad calls like that are the reason why I will beat these donkeys 70% of the time if we were to make these same plays repeatedly and the best course of action will be to catch them when they make more mistakes. I'm also going to apply this course of action to my relationships with women. Lord knows that women like me, fall in love with me, and are crazy about me and I fuck that all up with these women because I failed to recognize that I'm angry, why I'm angry, my options and the best option. I know that women tend to envision marrying me on the first date and I'm not saying this out of arrogance and conceit, but out of experiences I've had. Who said that poker is useless? Its taught me a very important life lesson just now.
What made me go through this spiel on my personal anger management? Because I realized to myself that because I'm a good player, I'm going to experience bad beats so there's no use in proceeding to act out of anger. I'm going to get angry because I expected things to go one way and they blew up in my face in-spite of me doing everything right in these bad beat hands. Just because I'm angry doesn't give me the right to use poor judgment, misbehave and piss away my bankroll. Instead, recognize the situation, think about my options, and proceed with the best one.
This is how I will handle people from now on. Who cares if someone talks out the side of their mouth on facebook under the guise of joking and LOLs? I don't have to put them in check and remind them that I can find them because I know somebody who know somebody who know something about it. I believe that acting out of anger takes away from my brilliance in life and I refuse to give my temperament that kind of power again. To all those women whose feelings I've hurt, I'm sorry. Poker puts things in perspective for me and I realize how damaging my temperament has been. Now I will proceed tomorrow with a goal to add another $80 to my bankroll playing $1.20 sit n gos. Wish me luck!
My bankroll is now $96.67