Monday, January 25, 2010

What If I Lied to You? Because Everyone Loves Fairy Tales

Last night's blog post about my sportsbetting sucking was a pretty lighthearted post that delve a little into my personal life and my gambling demons. I didn't expect cutting KR off and feeling disappointed with her by today. Apparently, she felt very offended when I referred to her as the square woman that I'm talking to in My Sportsbetting Sucks blog last night. As I was going to send a "good night KR" text she shot me the following text message:

KR: I was reading your latest blog. Why I gotta be a square? *In my hood voice.. lol* Hey, I resent that! You're more of a square than I am, just know that. I have tamed my was for my son.. lol.

Of course, I took it as lighthearted banter and sent a joking text message in response to her message:

GG: You are a square woman who identifies with the hood, but you're a square nonetheless. I learned that last Saturday when you told me more about yourself. (Actually, I knew she was a square months before that, and I'll talk about that in a minute.) You were a square before you had your son, but that's okay though. I like ya because you're a square who likes certain things about the hood. So sweet dreams my square lady!

Of course I got this response to my text.

KR: Clearly you don't know me.. lol.

Of course, I continued with mine:

GG: From 2004 - 2006, I dealt with women who hustled conned and cheated. I know a square when I see one. Losing your temper a few times doesn't make you "not a square."

**Actually, I dealt with my first female hustler in 2001 before I started gambling.

Of course, I got this unexpected text:

KR: That's the problem of telling people things. They assume they know you and they assume that you are telling the truth. Whose to say it was even true? A person can tell another person anything to paint the picture that they want them to see, but only those who have been around really knows. Assumptions can be DEADLY, but believe what you want to believe. Whose to say it ain't a fairytale?

Assumptions can be DEADLY? Why would anything be deadly with us? We've been talking off and on since July 2009, with us reconnecting and vibing well for the past four weeks. Oh hell no! At this point, I couldn't believe what I was reading. Of course I still tried to be jovial knowing that this textversation was getting out of hand.

GG: I like you anyway square, and you like me too. :-) Now get some rest baby. Good night

All hell broke loose here.

KR: If you haven't learned anything yet the one thing that makes me sick to my stomach is a man who is conceited. Don't tell me what I like, that's not attractive to me AT ALL!!!

Where did that come from? That wasn't conceit; that was stating the obvious. We had come too far to be fronting on each other at this point. Especially after all the times she's told me that she doesn't want to have meaningless sex and that they wants to be in a committed relationship. I've finally told her that I want to commit to her a few days ago and I get a bullshit accusation of being conceited. I was really confused and hurt right here. Either she didn't like me as much as she led me to believe or she's hiding her feelings from me. Either way, she just went off on me for no apparent reason. So now I'm trying to find out where this came from.

GG: So if you don't like me, why have we been talking on and off since July? And why have we been talking all this month?

KR: Good night!

Now I want to address the fairytale part since she wouldn't answer my question, then break things off with her because although I know that she's told me the truth about everything with exception of the insignificant stuff, but the fact that she would want to create some doubt in my mind about her "true self" and insinuate that she would misrepresent herself to me is the reason I realized that KR and I don't have a future together.

GG: And you would lie to me because? But since you just revealed to me that you lied to me Saturday, maybe I just like the fairy tale about you.

As I was typing the rest of my thoughts she sends me this message:

KR: Everyone loves fairy tales, why do you think Disney is so successful? Good night!

So I continue with my thoughts.

GG: I really did want to start something with you, but like other women you can't even be real about what you want when it comes to commitment and a husband like you've been claiming you've wanted. So with that being said, I'm rescinding my offer of commitment to you. I only like the fairy tale. And its a shame you don't want me or anyone else to love you because you could be a good wife to someone, but obviously I'm wrong about you because I obviously don't even know the real you ACCORDING TO YOU. Thanks for blowing up at me for NO REASON. Looks like I don't need anger management at all, because I'm not even angry right now. Good night and goodbye!

She said nothing else after that. Of course I'm very disappointed in KR. I put her on a pedestal, told my mother about her and my friends too. I really thought that I was going to marry KR, but it turns out that I was wrong. What started out as a lighthearted joke about her being square turned into a heated argument when I was merely teasing with her. KR is a sweet, generous, intelligent, and beautiful woman. That's who she really is, but I saw another side of her after she said that assumption is deadly. No, I KNOW that she's a square, and she's still a square which is great! As a square, she makes $60,000 per year (every Illinois Public School teacher's salary is public), she's got a master's degree and a wonderful 3 year old son. I know felons who wish they could live as good as her, but they can't go square. Why are you arguing with me about not being a square? This would have been cool in college, but you're almost 30 years old.. ITS LAME.

Yeah, I listened to you talk about how bad you used to be as a teenager and as an young adult in college, but I knew that you weren't as bad as you talked as soon as you uttered those words. You have no street credibility and that's perfectly fine. I knew you had no street credibility the day I stormed out of your apartment. Remember the incident you keep referring to as my "crazy moment" and "proof that I need anger management?" Of course you do because when you jumped in front of me and gently grabbed me, begging me to talk about this "don't leave;" I don't know what look you saw out of me, but when I looked you dead in your eyes and sternly said "don't touch me and move out my way please!" You looked as if you were trying to decide between pissing and shitting your pants. I knew right then that your talk was much badder that your actual street credibility.

Now KR, don't get me wrong, I'm not proud that I did that to you, and I had obviously scared the shit out of you because we would try to start back talking, then you would get scared that we were getting to close in August and you would disappear. Then when I told you, "forget it, I'm moving on" you started following this blog and left my first ever comment. Oh, don't tell me you don't remember that. That told me "wow, I'm wrong about her, she does still like me!" Because at that point, I still had my doubts. So we made peace again in September, then fell out after I started dogging your preference to live in South Shore. I realized that I was being ignorant, tried reaching out to you again, but you wouldn't talk to me. At this point I said "forget it, she's done with me!" Then I dreamed about you, and you confronted me and asked me what I wanted, and I played as if you didn't mean that much to me. That was in Novemeber.. I realized "I need to reach out to you, so I tried writing you a letter hoping to get a response.. I didn't. So that same month I decided to give MH a try. After that didn't work, I saw you on fb commenting on LT's status message about wifing up black women. We got to talking on there, then slowly but surely we got tight again and now we are at this point.

I'm really disappointed in you because I thought that our bond was deeper than this. I don't care that you aren't as bad as you say you are, but you need to kick that stupid pride to the curb. So what if the street really ain't in you? You're bigger and better than these streets. All these streets will do is eat you alive. I know too many people who went to jail when the street and the "G" really wasn't in them. Give that stupid shit up. Don't give it up for me, give it up for you because this amongst other things is the reason why LG is engaged and you're not.

In the meanwhile, I gotta take KR off my mail list. No longer will my blogs be automatically sent to her. If she wants to read my blog, she'll have to go to like everyone else from now on.

Now only if I can figure out what to do with these Mariah Carey tickets that I had bought for us for Feb 13th. I'll take the loss of KR and money and give two people a ghetto blessing, because I can't stomach going to see this show with someone other than KR when I intended to see the concert with KR.