Sunday, December 12, 2010

Miss Me

I haven't been blogging for a while and I haven't been on Facebook that much for the past two months. I just don't have it in me to post shit to a bunch of motherfuckers who don't give a fuck about me. I wish I had a good reason for not blogging, but I don't. The only thing I've been doing is juggling women like a circus act and it just don't feel exciting to me anymore. Now, I just do it out of necessity. For instance, if one ain't giving up the ass I go to the one who is.

Pretty sad, considering that I should have been married by now. Its not that I don't want to. Its more so that I run across a bunch of women who put the horse before the cart when they like me. They have unrealistic expectations of me moving together with them after sharing a drink and a meal. How about we get to know one another and go from there.

I won't promise to blog more often. I will blog again. :-)
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Monday, November 22, 2010

Vince Young Meltdown

I've been a huge Vince Young supporter for God knows how long. Vince has superhuman athletic ability and an cannon for an arm. How dare Jeff Fisher take VY out the game! Doesn't he understand that his 5th ranked QB rating is the best in the NFL? UNBELIEVABLE! I'm convinced that Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher is on that ready rock. Why else does he pace the sidelines? He hide his twitches behind his menacing stare because he's looking forward to Monday morning when he draws his plays up with lines of cocaine before he snorts his go-route.

So what if Vince Young injured his thumb and didn't look good in his warm-up throws? He's got the fifth highest quarterback rating which is the best in the NFL! I want VY out there throwing with no thumbs. Titans fans are fucking dumb asses for booing him too. They don't know a good quarterback when they see one. Neither does their maniac head coach who wants to rip him like Vince did his tendon. And his best choice is to put Rusty Smith in as his starting quarterback? Yes, he's the second coming of Tom Brady! I am also 7'9" 310 lbs and took Joakim Noah's starting center spot on the Bulls. Jeff Fisher is so full of shit and he knows it! He's starting Rusty Smith because... Oh, I get it! His itty-bitty fweelwings was hurts and his mama wasn't around to kiss it and make it feel bwetter.

Fuck Jeff Fisher!

Okay, Jefferson! Your feelings got hurt when he walked out on your postgame meeting. I mean what was the purpose of him sticking around to hear your bullshit speech. Your team fucking lost because you didn't tape up his thumb and put him back in the game like Vince wanted. I don't give a fuck about his tendon being torn... THIS IS VINCE FUCKING YOUNG! He can go out there with no thumbs, no hands, and no arms and still be the best quarterback you got. He's the best quarterback of all time --at Texas. Dan Marino, eat your heart out! Peyton Manning don't want none of Vince forever Young! And these sports columnists who don't know anything about football and their meathead fans overwhelmingly believe they should give up on Vince Young --THE GREATEST FOOTBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME! You guys obviously don't know what you're watching. I win every game the Titans play with Vince starting at quarterback whenever I play Madden!

Its a shame that some of you wonder why Titans safety Michael Griffin ran after Vince Young after he stormed out the locker room. Its because Vince Young is the GREATEST FOOTBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME! Even his incompletions are amazing!

Jeff Fisher, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

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Sunday, November 21, 2010

Mark Sanchez -- Growing Before Our Eyes

I caught the 4th quarter of the Jets - Texans game. What an unbelievable game! I thought sure that the Texans had the game won when they scored with 1:39 left. The Jets got the ball back with 1:15 left in the game and Sanchez went to work. This had to be the greatest comeback drive that I've ever witness. It wasn't as fine-tuned as a Peyton Manning drive. The Texans made him look silly and were getting pressure on him. Mario Williams even made a sack on him on the previous drive. Sanchez came in, went to work, threw a perfect ball to Braylon Edwards and with 9 seconds left, threw a 10-yard, game-winning touchdown pass. I couldn't believe what I was watching. I've never been all that impressed with Mark Sanchez as a passer, but one thing I've always been impressed with is his resilience. In only his second year in the NFL, Sanchez is one of the most resilient quarterback in the game. The scary part, he's going to get better. You're looking at a future Hall of Fame quarterback in the current Jets QB.

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A Thousand Chances Holiday Book Sale -- $9.99 Lowest Price Ever!

Yep, my book is going to be at its lowest price on Saturday November 27th, right in time for Cyber Monday and just in time for the Holiday Season. That's right, A Thousand Chances will only be $9.99 starting Saturday for a limited time. You can purchase your copy of my book on or just in time for Christmas. If you already have my book, keep in mind that these books make excellent gifts for under $10. Click either link below to purchase my book from Barnes and Noble or Amazon.

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Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Chicago Bears and the Chicago Bulls

I am excited to be a Chicago sports fan right now! The Bears are 7-3 with six tough games left to play this season, and the Bulls are 7-4 in their young season. I'm really more excited for the Bulls especially after they won a tough game 88-83 vs Dallas last night. Derrick Rose is going to be considered the best point guard of all time when its all said and done. No one has ever been more athletic and possess as many talents at Derrick Rose. He's taken his game up another notch averaging 25 points and 8 assists per game at the time of my typing this blog. Taj Gibson has got to be the most improved player in the league averaging 12 points and 7 rebounds per game. He has a beastly game last night scoring 17 points and grabbing 18 rebounds. Dude is a monster this year and when Carlos Boozer returns from his injury, the Bulls need to find a way to get Taj some minutes. I would love to see Taj and Carlos playing the small and power forward spots with Joakim Noah at center. Taj can play the 3 and the 4 when the Bulls go big, and the 5 when they go small. He can spell Luol Deng, Boozer and Noah at various points in the game, so the Bulls could possibly get him 25 - 30 minutes off the bench. With the Bulls looking so good without their #1 scoring option Carlos Boozer, and without fully grasping new coach Tom Thibodeau's defense and offense, like my friend Keith Sowa says THE BULLS ARE GOING TO BE KILLING THE NBA in February!

Some of you reading this may think I'm just a crazy sports-bettor who loves to bet on underdogs for the pay off, but the Bulls are the second best team in the Eastern Conference. The only team I would favor to beat the Bulls in the East is the Boston Celtics --and I would have that series going seven games because they match up very well with them. Think about it, the Miami Heat is the sexy pick to win the championship, but the Bulls would beat them because the Heat lack depth and size on the front line. The Bulls would kill them on the front line and negate the D. Wade/LeBron James tandem in the backcourt. LeBron is a great player, but he turns the ball over a lot, and D. Wade is a bit sloppy with the ball too. Don't believe me, check their stats over their careers. Who else would challenge? Orlando? Just shutdown Dwight Howard by exposing his lack of a post game and Orlando is the worst team in the NBA. The Bulls have the front line to do that. Atlanta? This team may be the highlight factory, but they lack discipline and they never show up in the playoffs. The rest of the East is weak as hell, and the Bobcats might make it interesting, but I'm telling you, don't be surprised if you see the Bulls in the NBA finals -THIS YEAR! Just remember that you read it here first.

As for the Bears, I won't say much about them. I won't lie, I love basketball way more than football, but I casually follow the NFL teams. The Bears are 7-3 and probably should be 9-1 since they gave games away to the Redskins and the Seahawks. Any other year, the Bears would be 2-8 since they've played so badly all year, but with the parity in the NFC, it seems that no one except the Falcons wants to run away with it this year. The Bears have a bad --albeit improving-- offensive line, no running game --because of the offensive line, an overrated defense, and a nervous quarterback --because of the offensive line-- who has had an average season so far. It is amazing that the Bears are first in the NFC North considering that they play the Cover-2, have no shutdown corners in their secondary, and have only had consistent production from special teams. The weird part about the Bears, they have a legitimate chance to get to the Super Bowl, but I doubt that they will. I don't see them beating the Eagles, Giants, Falcons or Saints to get to the Super Bowl.

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Better Ways to Say Things

In some ways I'm particular about women, in others I'm very relaxed and carefree about their ways. For instance, I don't really care about how my lady is dressed as long as she got some kind of style about her. Now that I look at the women I normally date, they usually dress pretty conservatively. I've never had to deal with women who wear really short skirts or tight fitting clothes after I turned 23. My women tend to have a good sense of style that stands out without being tastelessly underdressed, but even if she did I don't think I would care.

However, I have grown more particular about how a woman talks, and the choice of words that she uses. I really don't like when a woman uses a lot of profanity. You can say words are just words. Lord knows the countless times I've used that excuse to justify some of the less than colorful remarks that I've made towards people --many of them being women. And I'm right, words are words! Literally words are words, but the way you use words and even the words that you use says a lot about a person's character and emotional state. Think about it, words have the power to entertain, depress, anger, and uplift a person depending on how you want to use those words. Words can do so many things that are beyond the scope of this blog.

I don't want women to cuss around me, but do I automatically cast them off and drop them when they do? NO! I'm learning to be more patient now. I try to remind myself that when I come into a woman's life for the first time, there's a line of men that this woman has let into her life and those men have impacted her in some way whether it be negative or positive. Also, the way she was raised by her family has a lot to do with the words that she choose to use as well. If a woman uses a lot of profanity around a man, its attributed to either her family experience or her experience with men. How has her family members talked to this woman? How has her ex-boyfriends talked to her? Have they asked her 'why the fuck are you on the phone?" "Get the fuck out of my face?" If this is all a person has heard in their lives (very common these days), then its no wonder her words and her actions are profane and aggressive. Its a defense mechanism, just understand that none of this is my fault or your fault as a man who chooses to be with her.

This is one of the areas where I'm learning to be patient. In the RECENT past, I might have said to a woman "DON'T USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE AROUND ME! MY MOTHER DIDN'T RAISE ME TO BE WITH A WOMAN WHO CUSSES LIKE A PROJECT WHORE." How effective has that line been for me? The woman might or might not have corrected her language over time, just so she wouldn't make me angry, but more times that not it was very ineffective and only angered her because she felt belittled. I remember a quote from Chicago Overcoat where the main character Lou Marazano tells his grandson "If you're straight with people, they'll be straight with you." I like that quote because its in the vein of "treat people how you wanna be treated." In this case, I find it to be a lot more effective if you take the same foul-mouthed, verbally aggressive woman and talk to her how you wanna be talked to.

So instead of letting a woman go, I'll say something like "I'm surprised that you chose those words to say to me." Why? "Because I think highly of you and your intelligence. I figure that you can use a better choice of words to express your thoughts. I personally am becoming more cognizant of my choice of words too." Then I'm always asked why? What made you decide that you wanted to stop cussing? "Its because I want to set a better example for the people around me. Yes, I know my capabilities and I'm not holier than thou, but I know that I can communicate better and when I don't use such bad language, my communication is more effective. When I have children, I want them to look up to me and know that because I can get my point across without cussing, they can too. I don't just want them to know that, I want them to see that."

I'm not writing this blog to show people how to manipulate women, everyone is a manipulator to begin with. I'm writing this because this is how I feel and I too am improving on how I communicate with people --particularly women. I've lived long enough to know that so many common words exist for you to use that are so powerful, that there's no reason to use profanity unless its a flight or fight situation, and even then, why warn a person that you're gonna punch them if they don't back off, its better to just knock the shit out of them and take names later. You can always show em better than you can tell em, so why telegraph your next move. In dealing with the fairer sex, show her that you're truly powerful by using words that empower her. The way you use words can impact a situation or a person's well being. A person can think that you're a piece of shit just like the rest of them, but if you're always telling her good things about herself, pretty soon she'll start believing it, then she'll want to hear it more from you, then she'll want to be around you more because the more she's around you the better she feels.

I'm not suggesting to be a punk, just turn her aggressiveness around. Most times its not even directed toward you and she's not offended by you. This is my biggest issue. I take too many things as personal attacks towards me. Why, what, and how questions are the best way to navigate these minefields called women. Arguing is ineffective and counterproductive at best. In fact, arguing is a path that only leads to hell.. AVOID IT. As I'm communicating my thoughts to my readers, I'm recording these things as a reminder to myself because I'm a flawed individual when it comes to this. Just this morning I called the majority of the men from my graduating class at Lindblom silly, so I continue to struggle with choosing better words to say, but I am aware of it and I am trying my hardest to find the right balance with my outspoken personality so that I can be a better person.

See when a woman is being profane and aggressive, you can push your muscle around and hurt her feelings by saying foul things, using foul language or being abusive; that's SHOWING power.

Now if you know that you can hurt her feelings, shut her down, beat the crap out her male family members and you choose to uplift her instead.. that's BEING powerful.

Anyone can show power, but to be truly powerful is where you gain leverage in your relationships. Its more powerful to have people do things or be a certain way for you because they want to, than it is for people to do things out of fear. There's too many people out here showing power, pretending to have power, and not enough who actually possess power. The way I look at it, if I choose to empower and be powerful, I'll positively affect more lives than I could ever keep track of all because I found better ways to say things.


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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I Don't Feel Strong

You know where my mind is at right now after reading yesterday's I Feel Down blog. However, I find myself trying to encourage others when I can't seem to encourage myself. For instance, people tend to tell me personal things about themselves and their lives; things they don't share with other people. When they're down I try to help find a positive solution and cheer them up? Why do I do this? Seriously, why do I try to be strong for others when I'm not strong for myself?

I wish I knew the answers to my own questions.

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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I Feel Down

I'm tired all the time, I waffle aimlessly throughout my day. I don't know sometimes. I feel so stuck in this rut and it seems like its been like this for so long that I don't even know how I got there. Today, I feel down in the dumps, and I don't know why. Sure I've been on facebook flirting with a few women that I graduated Lindblom with and it seems like I'm lighthearted and full of joy, and when I'm around other people or talking to other people I am full of joy, but when I'm alone with my thoughts I'm so down and out.

Today, I don't even know why I feel so low. I overslept, barely got to work on time, made a run to the off site warehouse that took up the majority of the day and I even patched things up with JA at my job.. well sort of. See, I always have all these things that I want to say to a person, but when they get in front of me, I forget what I was supposed to say and all I can do is posture and act macho. At the same time, I can't really say much to her because we work together, she's young and she likes to run her mouth. Soon enough, everyone on all ten floors of my building would know my business. All I want is to see what she's about outside of work, but I'm afraid to ask not because I'm scared of her, I'm scared of what she'll tell other folks, and this ain't no facebook or no Lindblom Alumni bullshit --THIS IS MY JOB!

I like her, but I also like someone else too. Am I wrong for being so confused? So duplicitous? So unwilling to commit to a choice and go after that person? Then there's a third woman that I'd really like to see where it could go if we could spend a little time with each other. She calls me everyday and I really enjoy her conversation, but would I enjoy her? I think we're both scared to find out. Three attractive women, no decision as to where I wanna go with them, not to mention my favorite lady I probably would have married in '04, but we could never seem to get off the ground. Every time we see each other there's an instant attraction, and an instant bond. I feel guilty for sharing my heart with all these women, but what can I do?

Then I keep dreaming about this one woman. Every time I dream about her, she resurfaces. I just don't know how she could resurface after all I said the last time we communicated with each other. How could she come back after all the nasty things I said about her? How can I come back after all the nasty things she said about me? She an evil --woman! With all that said I know she still thinks about me. She's still concerned about my affairs, who I'm talking to, flirting with, etc., yet it doesn't bother me.

Monday, November 15, 2010

My Admissions and Proclaimations

Over the past few months I've lost ungodly sums of money that made me realize a few things. 1) I'm not ready to give up my day job to pursue being a full time author; 2) I'm not ready to be a promoter full-time yet. Sure I could be a subpromoter, but that would be a waste of my time. I feel like if I can only go half-assed at something, I would rather not do it at all or wait until I can go hard at it. It took me talking to BVAX one afternoon to realize that I'm just not ready to kill it. What really struck me is that he had the integrity to turn down my gig and tell me that he didn't think he could bring his people out to the suburbs. What he told me I should do after wards made me realize that 1) I don't have the time to prepare in a week's time; 2) he's right and I have to pay to play. After absorbing the losses that I absorbed these last two parties I realized that I would have been better off using that money as my poker bankroll and playing 1/2 NL Hold Em. At least I would see my money the same night. So I'm out.. for now!

Instead, I'll be on the grind at the local casinos or online raising the $15,000 that I need to get back even with last year. In fact, I just started back playing recently and my game is rusty in comparison to where it was in May when I played every day. I need to learn how to control my temper again because I lost 3x more money than I should have Thursday night when I was at the Horseshoe because I was steaming over a bad player getting lucky on the river against me and taking my entire stack. The name of this game is patience, and after I absorbed that loss, I bought back in and tried to win all my money back too soon with ill-advised bluffs and bad plays. I ended up losing that money too, and decided I would go home before I ended up on Washington & Michigan with a McDonald's cup in my hand begging for enough change to buy a few things off the dollar menu.

I thought that in pursuing other endeavors that I would eventually stop gambling. After failed venture after failed venture I'm starting to feel that the only thing that I know how to do is play poker. That's disappointing to me because I'm a reasonably intelligent person. Although I like a card game as much as anyone else, I don't want my legacy to solely to be "Glenn sure could play a flush draw and a gut-shot straight draw with the best of them." I have more talents than that. Now if poker is a means to an end, fine. I'm cool with raising the amount of money that I need to get out here playing cards because its too damn cold to be selling books on the L train. I found that out last winter.

Even with that being said, I will probably never stop playing poker. I know that I've said that the game has contributed to my lack of trust in mankind, but I never took the time to take a look at how the game has helped me and can help me. 1) It forces me to be honest with myself; 2) It forces me to work on my temper; 3) It also forces me to learn how to make better decisions while I'm angry.

Let's get to my temper.. I have a bad temper and can fly off into a rage like you would never believe. This is when other people's bones get broken, their houses shot up, etc. Its been years since I've gotten that angry, and I would much rather dismiss or walk away from any potential situation where my only option is to try to kill someone. However, I'm talking about my getting so angry where I tear down people or self-destruct. The $70 into $7000 challenge forced me to work on my self-destructive behavior back in April and May, then I got called for my summer job and abandoned it. I was also better at not saying things to hurt people and was really starting to make progress towards a better me. Months later, I ended up embarrassing someone in response to what was said about me. Its time for me to realize what I did and how I fucked up and fucked over someone who meant a lot to me.

Yeah, my response was warranted, but just read my past blog posts over the past 10 months and you'll see that what she did to me was a build-up of things that I said about her that were never addressed by her until that day. I can be a purely evil motherfucker, but I had no idea that she could be as evil as me. She really tried to keep that side of her concealed until I put her in a situation where she couldn't conceal it anymore. Of course, I didn't take that as a sign to change my ways. I got more arrogant as I focused more into my business ventures.

But my ways in the end were the things that turned people off from me. I figured that since I'm a pretty street savvy dude that I could get people to follow me in the streets, but old-school ways of promoting don't work anymore. I get it now! Its more important to treat people well in order to make it in the creative business because this online social networking age has made it impossible to hide the sides of you that you want hidden. Its also given them more options than just 5 years ago. Its also made me realize that you can't be in this to chase money. I got away from that, stopped being creative, stopped doing the things that made me interesting in the first place; all because I was hustling for a dollar. Its funny how for me, my failures in turn make me circle back to my creativity every time because that's how it was supposed to be in the first place.

Now heading into 2011, here's where I'm looking to do with my life:

1) Incorporate daily prayer asking God to have mercy on my soul and to help me develop the patience to make better decisions when I'm angry and to deliver me from the temptation of lashing out and doing evil towards other people.

2) I will no longer refer to women as bitches on facebook or any other social networking medium. I rarely use the word in my personal life, but I don't need to put other people down in order to produce interesting status updates. I've proven it this past week after I announced via note that I was going to stop using the word.

3) I will write more. In fact, I agreed to co-author an anthology with another author that I haven't worked with in a long time.

4) I will get back to being a creative individual.

5) I will go to more creative events such as concerts, plays, poetry festivals, and museums to allow myself to recharge through enjoying someone's work besides my own.

6) I will think more positively and be satisfied with the fact that I made the right decisions and did the right deeds, so the next card or unexpected event are inconsequential because in making the right decisions things will turn out good for me more than they will bad.

7) I will be more understanding of people who don't agree with me.

Does that mean that I will never be outspoken? No! In fact, I promise you that I will probably piss you off sometime within the next 12 months because I'm outspoken and say whatever it is that's on my mind, but there's no malicious intent behind it. I promise not to be so vicious towards people and not to attack people just because I feel like it. I've been given many blessings, but that doesn't give me the right to attack folks for having less due to what I may feel as bad decision making. I've been very fortunate throughout life, but this year I realized how quickly karma can turn my good fortune into less than good fortune. I've eaten a lot of humble pie and its not a good taste, but that's my fault.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My First Blog in a While

I haven't hardcore blogged in weeks and its because I'm ultra busy. I would love to blog more, I always have something to say, but I just haven't gotten around to it. My book signing party was a huge disappointment, and a lesson learned in street promotion. I couldn't have had many more things go wrong as I had with this event. Everyone involved with the event was disappointed in the turnout, but no one was more embarrassed than me. I had people inboxing me telling me that they're going to come and they never fucking came, and the Bears got their fucking ass kicked. Furthermore, ..I better not get into private matters concerning this event. Just know that I won't make the same mistakes again.

I am here to stay, believe that!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Writer's Block

I'm trying to come up with something, a poem, a funny blog, an angry rant that's hillarious, but nothing! This is why I keep deactivating my facebook page because I don't come up with funny rants anymore. I haven't written poetry since the time I typed one on facebook notes only for me to lose it when I accidentally clicked a link that took me to another page. My entire poem got deleted and haven't mustered the inspiration to write another poem since. I'm really losing my creativity and myself in a square world full of other people's bullshit. Everyone's got an agenda of some sort, but combine that with attemping to promote my book, parties, and other ventures I got going and its a real drain on me mentally. I also work for a living and every day that I go to work is another day that I lose another piece of my inspiration to be creative.

Now I'm just enduring an extended episode of writer's block. I'm ranting right now, but now that I look back on it, I also contributed to it by not writing every day because I'm too tired to write. Its like "aw fuck it, I'll write on that concept tomorrow" only to forget the concept that I had intended to create from. I remember Dante Feenix appearing on 60 Minutes with Glenn ages ago and he told me that whenever you as an artist feel drained like this that you need to attend a festival of some sort or a performance that features artists so that you can recharge your batteries and feed off their energy. I think I'm going to go to a poetry reading of some sort within the next two weeks.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Seeing Things Before They Are

In the time since that incident occurred, people were sending me messages, confronting me personally, and sending strange friends requests from people who pretended they hated me talking about they want to start anew. All of these people were digging for more information pretending that they were making general inquiries about general bullshit. All of their approaches were different, but the one thing they had in common is that they all said one thing or another that gave themselves away. The truth is, they all were being nosy and were picking me for information for several reasons, not to mention they thought that they were going to get some entertainment value out of me. Actually, one person did get entertainment value, more than that person bargained for and I knew the minute that person relayed what I said back to everyone else.

See, I may not have 2 or 3 college degrees, but I'm not stupid. I've studied the actions of people and the reasons behind their actions almost all of my adult life. I'm no longer a hustler, but when I was you learn not to trust what's on the surface and to always ask yourself why. This part never leaves your soul even when you do try to re-enter square society. Most times you see things three steps ahead of the time they actually happen. I knew exactly when a guy at my job was going to be reassigned -essentially demoted- after he told me what happened and the emails he sent me. He asked me why one of our superiors made a statement stating that she wasn't going to replace him on a project, but needed a side-by-side training with him. I reluctantly informed him that it was because he was going back to the call center. A week later, he called me and told me that they gave him a whole lot of song and dance earlier that day before reassigning him.

I also know when something's not quite right with women I'm dating. I often get myself in the doghouse regardless of whether or not I fucked her because I'm pretty harsh with my words and can't stand to be bullshitted. I tend to try to stay positive when I'm in the doghouse, but in doing so I'm also preparing for her to say, "no, I don't want to do this anymore." I see it coming each time, and this last time I saw it coming, I did the opposite of what I usually do and did everything I could to right the ship. For those of you wondering, I usually do nothing, but at the time I really liked this girl. And once my fate was sealed via text message, I tried to sway her and change her mind, but realized that there was nothing I could do because she was full of so much anger and hatred. Oh well, her ass was crazy. She ended up texting and calling back, but the damage had already been done in trying to ruin my reputation which failed miserably. See, the people who hold me in low regard because of this incident weren't going to buy my book or come to my parties anyway so I lost very little.

So although I see things before they happen most times based on what's presently going on, I've learned not to say anything and prepare for what's to happen before it actually happens. In this case of facebook gossip amongst high school alumni, I knew exactly what I needed to do to squash the bullshit that was going on and it wasn't going to be painless, but it was relatively easy since the people kicking the lies are so sensitive over what I say.

This is why I know that most of these motherfuckers out here talking about what they used to do, may have done it, but weren't very good at it because they were so shortsighted. All this shit comes in cycles, especially when you're used to dealing with people who are jealous of you or who are trying to deceive you all the time. That's why I question people who are always talking about how violent or how hard they used to be back in the day, and now they've done a total 180 and changed. I call them "used to be" niggas and bitches and while they've probably had a moment or two where they've done some foul shit that element really ain't in their heart. Yeah, I've mentioned that I was a gambler and a card hustler, but I don't hang my hat on what I used to be. That's a huge difference between me and them. Not to mention, when you're out there in that kind of criminal lifestyle surviving and thriving you learn to recognize the character of people and not to mention the actions of people and the reasons why. This one particular person who used to always talk about how bad they were back in the day never could recognize the kind of character I have or the kind of person I am. That person could only see the hurt and pain I inflicted. In this case, the past that this person was referring to wasn't really that person and that person squared the fuck up as soon as there appeared to be repercussions for those actions. A real criminal minded person is different. They gonna think "how do I get better at this" if or when they get caught.

Enough of my rambling.. just posting my thoughts.

Because My Dick is Long and My Time is Short

I'm tired, falling over the table as I write this, September 2, 2010. I'm stressed out, overworked and I still got the task of promoting my book signing party while working 80 - 90 hours per week. I'm trying to be more disciplined in my journaling, but I hate carrying around my laptop and at the end of the day I can only muster up funny tweets and status messages on facebook throughout the day because I can do that on my phone as I'm making runs at work. Because my dick is long and my time is short, I've come up with a strategy to promote out in the streets while working OT every single day of the week.

No time for dating, and this one yummy, chocolate lady even told me once, "Glenn, you're all work and no play." I'm not sure if the lady of a lighter shade will wait on me or even believes me. I guess when you come across men who ain't on shit more often than not, its hard to believe that I spend my free time working and not playing. My room is a fucking mess as a result because I just throw my clothes on the floor every night until I have time to wash them. Right now, I'm just waiting on my flyers to be printed so I can hit the streets again.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Glenn Gamble's Sexual Position

I usually don't put too much stock into facebook applications' astrology predictions or what they say about me based on my birthday, but this is a very accurate description of me in bed. Check it out!

Glenn KingoftheHustle Gamble
Sexual position based on zodiac sign
Glenn Zodiac sign is Aquarius

The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns. Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship, it's the... mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on. They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the signs. Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot! Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them. FAVE POSITION Mutual masturbation. BEST SEX TOY A Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some fun with this. AQUARIUS MALE IN BED He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at 5am he's just not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved. He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most definitely lead to some action!

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Checking the Fuck Out These Bitches and Bitch Niggas, and Jounaling My Journey

I know its been almost three months since I've last posted a blog, but I've been busy and going through a lot of things en route to planning the A THOUSAND CHANCES Book Signing Party. Now the woman I was saying I'm gonna marry I ain't gonna marry. When she went crazy on me and cussed me out talking about she don't even wanna see an image of me again I was hurt at first, but then I got over it by focusing more on my party. For some reason she left me on her facebook friends list for reasons I didn't know at first until some photos surfaced of me having a little fun out and about. I won't go into detail, but next thing you know I receive text messages from her talking about how she usually don't apologize to anyone for anything and now she's apologizing for being an evil, self-centered bitch.

If this apology was sincere I'd forgive it, but she ain't apologize because she felt bad about what she did. She apologized because she saw those photos and made assumptions that weren't even true, at least in that particular case.. lol. She was even making facebook statuses saying "I think I was too harsh towards him, in fact I know I was, but it was too much too soon and it looks like I drove him to what he really wanted and he looks happy which makes me happy." Then she adds on another, "I'm a jerk, sometimes." So of course I told her that if she wants to talk to me call me because I don't have time for texting back and forth. I got two jobs, I got a party to plan and I ain't got time for this bullshit. Of course when I told one of our facebook friends that I received a text from a chick who obviously downgraded since she stopped talking to me and now has the shitface (and no, I didn't mention her name, psuedonym, or anything), she went off revealing her identity and she wanted everyone to know that me and her kicked it and that I ain't shit, etc. Whatever.. LOL at least I'm saying this in hindsight. That day I really went off on her like I've never gone off on anyone else PUBLICLY.

Second, I went through a lot of bullshit trying to plan this party. I decided to rent out a venue because I didn't feel like going through all the bullshit of sending proposals to promote my party, etc. because that shit takes time and cost me time. I went to see one venue who was interested in doing my party until the fucker saw that I'm a black man (albeit mixed, nevertheless too black for him) and started asking me corny shit like "did you receive the questionnaire" despite the fact that we agreed via email to meet in person at a set date and time.

Of course our conversation lasted 2 minutes before I was politely shown the door. Whatever.. the next week he sends me an email stating that he's still interested in doing the book signing party. I sent him an email stating that I met with him last week and still looking for him to email me that questionnaire that he was asking me about. Of course, I was saying this facetiously. Sure I could have went to the papers alleging racism, but I'm not like most black people. I do not want to do business with no punk motherfucker who don't wanna do business with me. If he doesn't want to make money because I'm black and want to throw a DJ centered house party, fuck him and his ugly ass mama! Black people need to stop begging motherfuckers who don't wanna make money with us to let us do business with them. Its one thing if you fighting the city because you feel that you were unjustly denied a liquor license, but its another if a funky ass club owner don't want you to give him money for the rental of the room and bring people to his club so they can buy his liquor NOT WHEN THERE'S SEVERAL OTHER VENUES OUT HERE! My fellow black people need to better choose our battles because not every incidence of prejudice and racism is a civil rights issue. Police brutality is a civil rights issue; funky ass nightclub owner saying no is NOT a civil rights issue. Then I was talking to some promoters who didn't want to pay me and wanted to take a percentage of my book sales, and I wasn't even asking for a percentage of the door.

I was going to give up until I found some venues willing to fuck with me. This was at the same time crazy woman was coming at me with her bullshit. She finally deleted me after I sent out a message that there should be consequences for lying on me, talking about I was talking greasy about another mutual friend on my facebook statuses, and said dude came at me wanting to know what was going on. I'm not fucking stupid, I know the real reason why he came at me, and why she said what she said. I won't get into it, but I'm sure the other people who graduated from Lindblom will... Now yall see why I was like "bitch, I ain't got time to be dealing with your crazy ass over this bullshit." My patience for bullshit was at an all-time low. See, I'm not the type to argue for long on no motherfucking web and shit. I'll come to your house, you'll smell my cologne and we'll settle our differences.. if I wanna go that route. This particular situation wasn't even worth it. She know she fucked up and downgraded and let some lesser motherfucker in that pussy. So what! Whoever she was trying to convince me that she was seeing I know that motherfucker wasn't as cold as me, otherwise why even bother to communicate with me after so much time had passed. I sure hope for the best for her chimpanzee looking ass, but I'm not sure how she gonna get the best when I'm the best. I guess the motherfucker will have some of my qualities.

There was another young lady that I was trying to get it crackin' with but she ain't feeling the bullshit that comes with dating a motherfucker like me: women chasing me, controversy on facebook amongst our peers, my arrogance, etc. It don't look like we are even gonna go out, let alone hook up before my book signing party. It doesn't really matter because I ain't got much time for going out anyway when I'm always out in the streets talking to people everyday, although not so much in the past few weeks. I know my party is on an off night and people traditionally work the next morning, but I look at it this way. I'm going to promote to people who ain't working the next morning. You'll see me at the shopping malls, retail stores, nightclubs after the party is over and I'm going to ask you to come to my party. I'm going to ask you for your name, email, phone number and phone carrier so I can remind you that my book signing party will be Sunday, October 3, 2010. In fact, if you want me to send you a text message reminder of my book signing party featuring DJ BVAX and Johnny Fillups, go ahead and send your name, email, phone number and phone carrier to so that I can text you timely updates.

I know I typed out a long blog, but my mentor keeps bugging me about journaling more of my activities and I must admit that it feels better getting this out in the open.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

One Step Forward, 3 Steps Back

Every summer I work two jobs because the money is damn good to do so... but this summer is different already. I've only been working two jobs for one week and I'm already ready to quit my primary job. Last week my supervisor fucked up my schedule after I got it changed to accomodate my work schedule at my summer job... Why? Because I make a lot more money at my summer job. I wish that I could work the fucking job all year round, but the people in power at the govt agency location that I work at are on some nepotism bullshit. They convinced me to go back to school to further my education in order to overcome the nepotism and veterans preference that's going on at that place. Then I started hustling online, then offline with my books. Now I'm wondering should I even go back to school for the fall semester.

It seems like when I take one step forward, I end up taking two steps back. This time its with my business. I thought that I was on my way to selling my version of a ton of books on my off days. My employer had me under the impression that they approved me to work 3 days pers week at 12 hours per day so I could have 4 days a week to sell my books. Of course they fucked up my schedule and when I saw that it was fucked up LAST WEEK I went to my supervisor and he changed it. This week, he came up with some bullshit that I gotta work 20 hours per week, which has me working 5 days a week at both jobs. My eyes are getting tired thinking about it, and I refuse to do it. I refuse to trade time for money at a job that halfway appreciates me. For the past year, I worked on 2 important projects that only 10 and 15 people in the entire company got selected for. These projects require a whole lot of documentation and trust that I'm going to do it right with almost no supervision. I'm taking on all this additional responsibility and guess what... I don't get a fucking pay raise! That right there let me know that its time to move on to do something else. Fuck excuses, they're fucking useless.

I'm truly sick of this shit. I'm tired, depressed, stressed the fuck out over a job that has no potential for advancement despite all my accomplishments at this time vampire of a job. I really considered walking the fuck out of the building and never coming back until I realized that I'd be leaving this job on bad terms, even though I don't ever intend to use them as a reference, I still have my integrity and told myself to work out a compromise with my employer. After all, they've bent over backwards to accomodate my crazy schedule changes, but I'm fucking done! Its time for me to quit this job once and for all real soon. Do I have another job lined up? NO.. but I went out and sold books yesterday and that told me that I don't need a job to be lined up. I'm working 4 more weeks and I'm out this bitch!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Birdman is so Wack! And He's One of My Favorite Rappers

I know it seems like I'm typing nonsense, but I can't stop playing Birdman's Pricele$$ album, and its been over 3 months since I've copped it. Yeah, I know! I'm an educated black man --according to KR. Because of that I'm not supposed to be listening to shit like Birdman. "What the fuck is wrong with Glenn?" You ask. And my response, "absolutely nothing when it comes to music." Birdman, 50 Cent's Paperchaser, Rick Ross's Hustlin', and every UGK album are all guilty pleasures of mine --UGK is actually one of the best groups of all time bar none. I like to think of myself as a hip-hopper at heart who listens to Common, De La Soul, A Tribe Called Quest, Mos Def, and Talib Kweli; and I am very hard to please when it comes to rap music, but once in a while some shit I ain't dare supposed to like sneaks in there and I can't fucking stop listening to it.

For instance, I'll probably get flamed for this, but I like Gucci Mane's Lemonade song.

Don't fucking ask me why. I'm still asking myself why would I even give a rapper named Gucci Mane a fair chance to determine whether or not his song is cold. I mean come on! What the fuck kind of name is Gucci Mane? And what kind of fucking hook is this:

Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts
Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts
Livin out of shame with my feet up
Livin out of shame with my feet up
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup
Lemons in their face watch em freeze up
Lemons in their face watch em freeze up

With that said, I can't get enough of this song. And Wasted is another one of my guilty pleasures.. GUCCI! Ugh, now I'm talking like the motherfucker.. GUCCI! See, I did it again! GUCCI! Ugh.. I guess I should switch the topic back to Birdman so I can stop saying GUCCI!

Birdman has got to be my favorite wack rapper because I like how he adlibs and talks shit at the beginning of his songs, during his hooks, and towards the end of his songs. He's got to be the most arrogant motherfucker, talkin' about his fly whip outside sittin' on acres.. lmao. I fucking love it! Then on the Nightclub song, I keep rewinding the part where he says "flossin' everytime I shine/ shinin' everytime I floss/ keep an extra mil on me, cuz that's just how a boss boss/ youngin' got the flow money/ diamonds on the toes money/ hoppin overseas every time and get some mo' money.

And you gotta check out Birdman's 4 My Town video:

And his song with Drake and Bun B called Mo Milly is cooked crack. I swear when I first heard it, I put it on repeat 12 times in my car. Now is Birdman's Pricele$$ album a Source five mic album... HELL MUFUKIN NAW! I'd say its a 3- 3.5 mic/star album out of 5. And I don't listen to the album from start to finish since it has a lot of filler in it, but these songs I listen to every day.

Friday, June 11, 2010

I Miss My Father

My story isn't unique to many young men who grew up in the 80s and 90s as young boys without fathers. I just never thought about it much because I was spoiled growing up. Don't get me wrong, my grandmother and mother didn't take any shit when I was growing up, but I was the quiet kid on the block who everyone was jealous of because either my mom or my grandmother bought my name brand clothes and shoes while the other boys either sold weed or rock to buy theirs, or did without. Because I had so much love from my mom and grandma, I didn't feel like I was lacking anything with my father not being around.

Now that I'm 29 years old, I miss him, yet I never met him. I didn't realize this until yesterday when I found myself talking with my supervisor at my summer job about my dreams. He's held me accountable for my having not gotten anywhere. Whenever I had an excuse for not going to networking events, for not hustling my books, for allowing to let life get in the way, etc. he'd ask me why. Then he'd go on to explain why to take a different approach and how to overcome my fears, and why it was beneficial to me. He also explained how life can pass you by just by being distracted by non-trivial things in life. I never got this kind of "don't give up" type of mentoring from my mom and grandma. They're strong women --RIP grandma-- and they mean well, but in their trying to steer me elsewhere with the well-intentioned "maybe your book isn't a best-seller and you should move on to something else that's more stable, it isn't your fault" talks for example, I haven't felt the need to hold myself accountable. I could always blame external factors and they would agree and chime in with "yeah, sales is hard you should try something more steady." I've never been told, "Glenn, you're bullshitting! You haven't really tried."

Having my supervisor has made me realize that I miss my father even though I never met him. I miss having him fill in where women are generally deficient because they're trying to protect their son's ego; they're not trying to hurt his feelings. The women that I have been intimate with all shower me with praise and when I admit that many people on facebook haven't bought my book, they'll say something like "maybe its because they don't read" in trying to spare my feelings. It takes a more experienced man to say "okay Glenn, what have you done to sell your book? You had all this energy last year, what happened?" Men don't accept excuses from other men because we can't afford to be wreckless. So as he was asking me some hard questions that were uncomfortable answering, he encouraged me with some advice in moving forward, in reinventing myself, and getting the clutter out of my mind. See, we need our mothers to build us up, and we need our fathers to hold us accountable and be hard on us. Our men are very important people in mentoring us and too many of them are missing from our lives due to selfishness and petty bullshit and it becomes a vicious cycle. Men, parent your children because you rob our society every time you leave a mother to fend for herself to raise her child as a single father.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Missing You

Reposted from Facebook Originally written Friday May 21, 2010

I wrote this piece months after I stopped talking to KR. The reason its taken me so long to write this piece is because I was mad at the time I decided to stop talking to her. I was mad arrogant, grabbin' my nuts, throwing up my middle fanga (I know how to spell), lying to myself, telling myself that she ain't all that and there's better fish in the sea. I figured I'm a handsome man so getting women is no issue for me. Now, I know you must be thinking that I'm going through a lot over this woman, but the fact of the matter is that I've never met anyone like her and never will. Some of you may say, "dude, you need to date a few women and get you some pussy." I did, and I can tell you that all it does for me is reinforce why I miss KR while highlighting their shortcomings. Not that KR is a goddess of perfection -far from it. Don't let her cute face fool ya, she's nuttier than a pecan pie. Yes KR is fucking nuts, but I'm comfortable with her nuttiness. With other women, their nutty ways turn me off because I can't deal with them, but I never felt that way with KR. And when I say she's a nut, I'm not trying to say that she spends her days in a straitjacket slobbing on herself.. far from it! You'd just have to know her to understand what I'm talking about.

Now I will admit that I only dated a little here and there, but not nearly as much as last year due to school, work, and my $74 into $7000 in 6 weeks challenge... I was fucking busy! I really got busy as I briefly dated the most recent woman that I no longer see, I'll call her SJ. I liked SJ, but I had one problem with her: I was okay with her not texting or calling me for a few days and not seeing her until I got to work. In fact, I started my $74 into $7000 challenge shortly after I started dating her and I found myself placing more importance on gambling than SJ. In fact, I could have cared less whether or not I heard from her during my 8 hour poker sessions. After a while I had to ask myself, "what the fuck are you doing Glenn?" "You found love twice with the same woman and turned it into a love fiasco with your impatience and ego. You know damn well you ain't wanna leave her and the only reason you left her was because you were too fucking stupid to hear her out and try to understand her feelings! You didn't think what you said was offensive to her and she got offended anyway? Who cares? She was offended, and all you know how to do is fucking walk away. Yeah your feelings were hurt, but so were hers, and you call yourself a reader of people or some bullshit like that. Man, you need to go after her right now or you'll be referring to her as the one who got away for the rest of your life." Once I came to this realization, I knew that I was wasting my time talking to SJ when I know full well that I have no intentions of making her my wife. As nice as she is, I never felt any vibe with SJ that she completed me and I completed her --I only felt that way with KR. So in realizing this, I made several attempts to reach out to KR with no success. The only thing I left myself with is an empty feeling of hurt and disappointment.

Later on that night I found myself restless and unable to sleep thinking about KR. So I got up, found two sheets of paper and wrote the following poem:

Missing You

Hey lil chocolate
Ms Magnificent
I wanna say what's up to you
And maybe even talk to you

Not responding back?
Well, I don't blame you
I told you I was through with you
But my heart was never through with you

When I'm mean, I say things I don't mean
Girl, you mean the worlds to me
-and the galaxy
Pride gets the best of me
Knowing you're the best for me
Baby, I need you next to me
You entering my life was God blessing me

Yet I acted a fool
Like I wasn't into you
Worked so hard to get back with you
Just to turn my back on you

I miss you being silly and the way you make me laugh
I need to make room in my heart for you
-my better half

I miss how you talk too much
Just to ask me later on if you talked too much
Girl, you know you too much

You so intelligent, but goofy as you wanna be
I hope a little part of you still want to be with me
Because KR, you're the one for me

I miss you

Glenn Gamble
© Copyright 2010
All Rights Reserved

Monday, June 7, 2010

Farewell to Facebook

Reposted from Facebook Originally written Thursday May 27, 2010

Right now I'm going through a period of adversity. My poker game isn't making me money, and I've pretty much been playing break even poker after losing $50 yesterday. I'm not sure if I even want to resurrect the $74 into $7400 challenge with my bankroll having been paused at $323 at the time. I'm having really mixed feelings about deactivating my Facebook account, but I'm realizing that this is absolutely necessary for my future growth.

KR not speaking to me and no longer wanting to set herself up to be hurt by me is also something that has been a factor. I'd be lying if I said that her refusing to respond to me hasn't affected me. Before facebook, I didn't really know KR too well. All I remembered was that we had drafting class together junior year at Lindblom. After crossing paths on facebook we got to know each other a little better and things went well until I became my own worst enemy... TWICE. Am I hurting right now? OF COURSE, but I'll find a way to move on although its hard considering that every time I'm with another woman I'm still thinking of KR, longing to be with her.

The funny thing about KR is that facebook has brought us together, and while I did a good enough job of ripping us apart, my antics on facebook hasn't exactly helped matters either. I truly think that what really did it was that day I tore into Brandie, Ave, and Melony. I even heard that the incident became phone conversation fodder for a day or two when it happened. Its one thing for me to check someone, but its another to be unrelenting, and that I was. I don't like to be shown up, and I don't like giving in to anyone. However, it was very hard for me to stomach the comments I made after reading what I typed. That's not the kind of person I am.

Which brings me to one of the major reasons why I'm getting off facebook and staying off facebook. For starters, whenever I'm on here, I'm very unproductive and its become a time vampire for me. I have a huge secret event planned for August 5, 2010 that I have to start promoting this Saturday. This is an endeavor that I've decided to undertake on my own and I can't meet people if I'm on here fucking around on facebook and playing poker all day.

The biggest reason that I'm getting off facebook is because it has ruined me. People who know me personally have gotten a totally different perspective of me which is different from who I really am in person. I find and they find that I'm a more a angry, negative, and sarcastic individual. In person, I'm real laid back, funny, and sort of awkward too. If you wanted a celebrity to compare my in-person personality to, think of Maxwell. I went to see him Tuesday night and while dude is the best singer of my generation, has tons of women swooning over him and is insanely handsome; I realized that he's kinda awkward during his ad-libs when he was asking the audience whether or not they were enjoying themselves because he's insecure and needs their feedback and just wants to make sure they're having a good time (then he was running across the stage like a crazy man and got scared when some woman gave him some flowers). It takes a big man to admit that about himself, and he gave me the courage to admit my awkwardness. I hide my awkwardness and my insecurities behind my big personality. People look at me and think that because I was blessed with good looks, good family, and tons of swag that I have everything; so a lot of them are envious of me for no reason. I've had women tell me that when they first saw me that they thought I was arrogant, stuck-up and conceited. Real talk, that makes me feel really uncomfortable because I feel like I have to talk down anything good about myself. For instance:

Her: "Glenn, you writing a book is such a big deal. You got the looks, you got the drive, you gonna blow up!"

Me: "It ain't that big of a deal, anyone can do it."


Her: "Why would a pretty boy like you want someone like me?"
Me: "I'm alright looking, nothing unusual about me. Besides, you're pretty fly yourself."

Yep, all my life I've been careful not to boast or brag when people praised me for being me. It would always make me feel a bit uncomfortable. The reason being is because I got into a lot of altercations and fights growing up over me being called "white boy," "girly looking/gay," "curly sue," and them motherfuckers would always pull my hair because it was long and curly. It took me growing into adulthood to realize that these people were really just envious of me. Women liked me, but then there are a lot of women who are overly cautious with me because of their preconceived notions which is pretty annoying because I'm just a regular dude just like everyone else.

Then FACEBOOK became available to me. After adding some familiar faces from school to my friends list, I became a facebook celebrity to my friends list because I'm very straightforward and possess a little dry humor. People would sometimes add 20-30 comments per status. I got caught up in that "celebrity" and made sure that I posted statuses that were more outrageous than the last ones. Then somehow statues went from "who the fuck anointed Al Sharpton as the spokesperson for Micheal Jackson's family" to "most of you motherfuckers on facebook ain't shit and never will be shit!" to all the "look bitches, I'm a fat pretty motherfucker, you're just another bitch. Don't you ever forget that bitch" statuses.

I just got caught up in the celebrity and the notoriety and with me being such an attention whore, I felt like "the more attention the better." But I hurt a lot of people's feelings in the process because I would argue with the people and say hurtful things and hide under the guise of "this is only the internet and if her feelings got hurt over a facebook comment then she needs to get a better life!" With that being said, my being on facebook has created a monster that doesn't really represent who I really am as a person. From now on, I will interact with people in person ONLY. I hate the image that I've become on facebook which I liken to Kayne West. I do care about how I'm perceived (to an extent) and I was able to acknowledge my being an awkward individual in going through the trials of me saying all the things that I would never say in person unless provoked. In a way, I felt okay about pissing women off in telling them how pretty I am, etc., because for once in my life I could finally boast and not feel the need to apologize for it, but now that I look back on those comments I wish I hadn't made those statements. I got cocky because I'm really a bit uncomfortable with the things I have to deal with in association with being a light-skinned, curly haired black man. The last woman I fell out with told me that I put too much of my business on facebook, and while that may be true its because I feel like I can share these things with you all so you can better understand me as a person.

To all the people whose feelings I've hurt, I'm so sorry.

To KR, I'm truly sorry.

And Ke-Ke, a former friend of mine that I met through a Lindblom alum, I am sorry for not talking to you over a topic on facebook. You were right when you told me that I am incredibly intelligent and idiotic at the same time. I'm sorry.

Wendy, I'm sorry for treating you the way I did.

To my facebookers, I will keep my profile active until Sunday May 30th so everyone will get a chance to read this note --then I will deactivate my account once and for all. For the friends that I will hang out with beyond facebook, I'm glad to see yall after all these years and we gonna kick it hard one of these days.

Anyone wishing to contact me outside facebook, can shoot me an email...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I Forgot About Rapper AZ

How could I forget about one of my favorite rappers of all time AZ? After going through an iTunes playlist that I created back in 2005 I heard "Wanna Be There" and man that song brought back memories of me fraternizing with my workers, fucking co-workers, and of course one of my workers moving my co-supervisor in her crib a few weeks after she fucked me.. lol, but I digress.

Too bad him and Nas couldn't do an album together, but it wasn't for a lack of AZ's trying. Nas was just a selfish, egotistical fuck who couldn't see an opportunity to make more money, and gosh, I couldn't imagine how big that tour would have been for them. As a result, AZ has spit numerous classic bars that will never get heard. And FUCK NAS for the remainder of this blog post. Never mind that he's my favorite rapper of all time.. he fucked up on this one. When right after Stillmatic and Aziatic came out, these two should have recorded the album, but Nas ol' fat neck ass didn't want to do the album. With that being said, I'm kinda glad that Kelis took dude for $40k a month.

Enough of my ranting, if you ain't got Aziatic GET IT!

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Sunday, May 16, 2010

I Think John Phan was Speaking to My Soul When He Wrote This Articl

I wish I had read this article before I started losing all my tournaments today. This has to be the biggest weakness in my poker game.
blogged 5/12 posted 5/16

John Phan Pro Tips - Pro Tip 177
Learning to Win at Final Tables

John Phan

February 4th, 2009

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Back to Pro Tips Archive

Anyone who’s ever come close to winning a poker tournament – only to fall short – can tell you how much it hurts. It’s disappointing. It’s painful. In 2006, I finished 2nd in a $1,000 No-Limit Hold ’em event at the World Series of Poker, and then in 2007, I was the runner-up in a $2,500 Hold ’em event at the WSOP. So I came into 2008 particularly determined to win my first bracelet – not just to reach a final table, but to finish in 1st place.

Well, I achieved my goal – and then some. I won the $3K No-Limit Hold ’em tournament at the World Series of Poker, then one week later I won another bracelet in $2,500 Deuce-to-Seven Triple Draw. And to top it all off, I won my first WPT title in August at the Legends of Poker at the Bicycle Casino in Los Angeles.

Now that I’ve gotten over the hump and won some major tournaments, I’m going to share two important tips that made all the difference for me.

1. Make the tough laydowns when your tournament life is at stake.

It’s a situation I’ve been in many times: a short stack raises, I re-raise enough to put the short stack all in, and then a big stack behind me raises enough to put me all in. I’m in a tough spot because I’m fairly certain my hand is better than the short stack’s hand, but I also have a strong feeling that the big stack has me in bad shape. There are a lot of chips in the pot, and I’m tempted to call, knowing that I need to suck out to win. Many times in the past, I made that call and went home in 7th or 8th place.

What I’ve learned is that the right play, if you believe you’re beat, is to lay it down and live to play another hand. Even if the pot odds narrowly favor a call, you’re better off letting the hand go. Obviously, if the pot odds heavily favor a call... click Learning to Win at Final Tables to read the rest of this great article.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I Played a Little Poker Today

As I promised yesterday, I stopped grinding out 8-hour poker sit n go sessions to focus on my upcoming website project and finals. Instead, I'll play no more than 2 "rounds" of 9 multitabled sit n go sessions, but more than likely I'll only do one until both my project and my finals have been completed. This morning was much better than yesterday poker-wise. I got a good night's sleep and I felt refreshed and on top of my game. I played a round of 9 multitabled sit n gos and cashed in 3 of them, winning two outright and placing 2nd in another. I made $67. The reason I'm not posting this to my bankroll is because I'm going to cash out all monies that I win from now until the day that I resume my challenge. Yes, ALL MONIES except the $322 that I had in my bankroll when I paused my $74 into $7000 challenge.

Speaking of the challenge, I really don't know when I'll resume the challenge, but I'm thinking either Wednesday, May 26th or Wednesday June 2nd. Any money that I win between now and May 25th will be cashed out because I'll need the money for schoolbooks since I've decided to go to summer school. I also decided that in that time, I'm going to stay at the $3 and $5 sngs so that I don't fuck myself by moving up to the $10 ones and forgetting the players' tendencies in the lower ones. Yes, the players are bad in the $10 sngs, but the level of bad in the $3 and $5 ones is 100x higher and bad players can fuck you up if you forget that they'll call their entire stack off on a draw, and if they hit it, you shouldn't call any bets from them. At the same time, when their draws don't hit (70% of the time) they'll pay you off and pad your chip stack so you can finish in the money. Heck, half the players who make it to the final table in these low level sit n go tournaments are bad players. With that being said, I'll stick with the buy-in levels that I'm at now.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Day 10: Turning $74 into $7000 --- Moving on Up!

I played a little over the weekend, 2 hours on Saturday morning and Tuesday night and ran pretty well. I decided that my bankroll was big enough to start playing $3.40 sngs and make more money per win since I ran my bankroll up to $337.10 before today. Then all of a sudden I ran horribly today. For the first time in over a week I had a losing session. It started off well this morning. I won a 45-man $5.50 sng and took 2nd in a 27-man $3.40 sng and placed 4th in another $5.50 27-man sng. I played a little higher in a few sngs because I was taking shots at bigger scores without significant risk to my bankroll. After running my bankroll up to $372.00 I started losing sng after sng, not cashing shit, or losing on the money bubble. I got bad beat so many times that it wasn't even funny. I got my chips in good with the best two cards and the flop, turn, and river was acting ugly towards me. The guys with the worst hand sucked out to beat me more times than I care to remember. Once I started running into such bad luck, I started playing bad and donking off chips and next thing I know, I'd be chip leader in a few tournaments one minute, then getting eliminated a few orbits later. I didn't have my mental toughness today and I'm plain tired. I ended up finishing up the day with $323.00 for a net loss of $14 for today.

Once I lost my profits and started showing a loss, I quit for the day and started reflecting on the current demands of my life. I realized that I'm overextending myself with this challenge. I have a webpage project due for class in less than one week from today, I have homework and a final to study for this weekend, and I have to come to work. I realize that I need to stop being greedy for this money for the next few days and catch up on my work. Hopefully, I'll be able to complete everything by Tuesday, and that's when I'll resume my grind, but I won't resume my challenge until a future date. Yes, it took me playing bad to see these things and I'm glad and disappointed at the same time because I now won't have a chance to get $7,000 by Jun 1st. I wanted to have the majority of that money made by Memorial Day weekend. That way, I'd be able to blow $1000 on having a good time with the people that I care most about. It looks like I won't be doing my Birdman impression anytime soon. And I'm disappointed about not hitting my initial goal.

There's no doubt that I will extend my challenge to an unknown date in June. It'll be better that way because there's no way I can miss three days of playing poker and make the $6600+ that I would need to satisfy my goal. It was supposed to take 18 full business days of grinding within 6 weeks and 3 weeks into the challenge, I realize that I won't be able to play consistent enough. So for now, the challenge won't resume until Memorial Day week. I will play next week, but I'm going to cash out my winnings because I need the money and so that I can resume with the same $323.00 bankroll that I stopped at today. Its important to me that I stick with the integrity of my challenge so that you all will see that my hard work will pay off.

I'm sorry that I won't be able to resume this challenge and I hope that I didn't upset anyone, but I have to fulfill the requirements of my instructors.

My bankroll is $323.00

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Its Time to Be Professional

First of all, I'm not a whiner.

However, I have exploded at a few players over the past few days over making stupid plays and lucking out to take my chips. I don't go as far as giving the players free, unsolicited poker lessons, but I did talk pretty harshly to them. Its time for me to grow up and conduct myself as a profession, because I'm a winner and not a whiner. From now on, I will not cuss anyone out over stupidity. I hate when other people do it to each other throughout the tournament.

The crappy players online are constantly whining about bad beats, stupid poker players, and how if the PokerStars website didn't run so horribly and deal bad beats that they would be able to win with their expert skill. I highly doubt it, and only losers say shit like that. I've had many players tell me that they would crush me live because bad beats aren't as prevalent. I can personally attest to this not being true. Tons of bad beats happen every day at casinos all across the country, and yes they happen more frequently on PokerStars because the hands are dealt 3 - 4 times faster than at a riverboat casino. There are no dealer changes, or money changes online like there are at the boat. The game also plays a lot slower too.

I'm personally done with going to land based casinos because I can make more money online. I might go to the Horseshoe or the Majestic Star occasionally, but I no longer desire to burn gas going back and forth to Indiana just to win or lose a few hundred dollars. At least if I run bad online, I can drop down in limits or buy-ins as low as a dollar (I hope that I never have to play the dollar games again after next week). If I run bad at the boat, I can't play until I make some money online.

With that being said, I'm going to start conducting myself as a professional in all phases of my life, not just poker. No more whining about inconsequential bullshit. Its time to separate myself from the online donkeys who masquerade as experts on micro-limit poker strategy because I'm more accomplished than them, and I play better than them. The reason those masqueraders are always whining and spewing out poker knowledge acquired from the 2+2 forums is because they're insecure about their true knowledge of the game and as a result, they constantly find themselves trying to please others and prove to other people that they're good players. Also, when they do get lucky on a bad beat, they apologize. To me, that's one of the most annoying things about low-level players. Don't tell me you're sorry about putting a bad beat on me unless you're willing to wire me buy-in money for this tournament. I definitely won't apologize for lucking out on you when you call my bluff and I suck out on you. Nope, I'm going to be smiling about the suck out and I'm going to take care of my newfound chips. :-)

One more thing, I'm not saying that I've never come across great players at the $1 level. I certainly have over the past week. These guys were stopping me from running over the final table and made me adjust my strategy just so I could either win or cash out in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th. Those guys are the grinders at those low-levels and eventually they will graduate to playing $5 and $10 sit n gos and making some real money.

Remember that in poker and in all other areas of life..

Winners are not whiners."

Friday, May 7, 2010

Day 9: Turning $74 into $7000 --- I'm Tired

I played like shit today. My version of playing like shit is many of the donks A-game in the $1 and $3 sit n go tournaments, but I felt like I threw away 3 potential cashes after I placed 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in my first three sngs. After making the first $42 dollars, I started playing so bad, making terrible mistakes due to frustration and fatigue. I ended up cashing in only 1 sng for the rest of the day which left me a net $39.50 in profit. I stopped playing early --around 2:10pm-- because I'm tired and playing like shit. I didn't even get 6 hours of playing in simply because I'm not at my best and I just don't have the energy to stay focused in these games when I feel like this. I remember why I didn't have much of a personal life when I was playing poker for a living. All I do now is bet, call, check, fold which is becoming a grind. Don't get me wrong, I still love playing poker, I'm just tired right now. My eyes are super tired from staring at this monitor all day with no breaks in between. The only good thing that came from this session is that I made $39.50 in profit. My profit should have really been $100. That gives you an idea of how shitty my play has been for the past few hours. I'm going to take a break from poker this weekend and won't play until Wednesday.

Another thing that's draining about my self-imposed challenge is that I only have 9 more business days left in this month in which I can turn $74 into $7000 which is still very much a realistic possibility, but I'm running out of time and running into commitments with school that might hinder accomplishing my goal. I'm so stressed out right now that I feel like giving up on this challenge. If I didn't have people encouraging me on and offline, I'd give up on the challenge, but I would be letting down my friends and acquaintances, regardless of whether or not they'd admit it to me. Looking in hindsight, I wish I had decided to wait to partake in this challenge until June when I only have to go to work. Trying to balance all my commitments is very challenging and exhausting. I'll get over it once I got to sleep.

My bankroll is $280.94

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Day 8: $1.00 + $0.20 SnG Poker Experts (My Rant)

These fucking donkeys who think they know how to properly play tournament poker kill me with their incessant whining and their lack of real knowledge of the game. Seriously, most of the "expert advice" that you hear at the poker table is very basic theory at best, and most of it is fucking WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! They don't know texture of flops, they don't know how to play other folks hands and they don't know how to put people on hands. In other words, they go to the 2+2 forums and other online poker forums to share bad advice, and they absorb it and regurgitate it when they play this game wrong.

For instance, this one woman, I'll just say her name is Alice --although I'm tempted to give out her real username so the shark can go online and devour her, except that it wouldn't be worth their time (more on that later)-- and she's one of the many predictable "experts" who suck at poker and who will never play higher than $1 donkaments. Anyway, I had AQ on the button, and I put in a huge raise to get max value for it since I was in late position. Two donks called, and the flop came 5h 5c 6h. Okay, I hit neither my ace or my queen, but I knew the two other guys probably called me with high cards so the flop more than likely didn't hit them either unless they were holding a pair of fives or a pair of sixes, either scenario I'm cooked anyway. So when the two donks checked to me, I made a pot-sized bet of 640 chips. First guy to act folds and the second guy, let's say that his name is Jose, reraised me all in. Since half my chips are in the pot and the pot is now 2400+ chips, I'm getting 3 to 1 to call, and I totally figured that he didn't have a full house. I was right! He had Q9 of hearts hoping to hit his flush draw. I have him dominated and I'm just counting his chips as the cards flip. This fucker hits a 9 on the river so I'm going off on him at this point through the chat box. Fuck's sake I was mad and I was down to 440 chips early in the tournament.

All of a sudden Alice tells me that I made a bad play by betting out on the flop. WHAT? Betting the flop when I'm holding the best hand is a bad play? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Granted, most people would say that I was bluffing, but I've been playing this game long enough to recognize people's tendencies and textures of flops as it relates to the action preflop and post-flop. I won't say that I'm the best that's ever played, but I'm pretty good at recognizing where I am in a hand as it relates to the possible cards that the $1 donks would call a raise with. Q9 suited falls within that range as well as KJ, J10, K10, Q10, AJ, AK, AQ, KQ, Q8, and a few more that I left out, but you get the idea. That flop hit none of those high cards! The idiot could have also played small pairs, but they hit the flop for 3 of a kind only 13% of the time. Trust me, as many sets as I've hit, I've had many more times where I played a small pair such as a pair of fours only to have to fold them when they don't hit the flop. With the simple math in my favor, I'm going to be correct 87% of the time in assessing that they didn't hit a set, therefore I'm going to be able to bet a lot of players off a small pair in that spot. The 13% of the time that they hit a set or make a ballsy call, fuck it I got a sick bankroll for the buy in that I'm playing, I'll buy into another sit n go and try again.

After Alice didn't understand any part of me typing "I knew where I was at and I knew I had the best hand" I dropped the topic momentarily while watching my short stack chip down to 380 chips. When I finally got A 4 offsuit, I decided to go all in with that hand knowing that I might be going in with the worst of it preflop. So one person goes all in with 700 in chips. Alice calls with AK and I call saying to myself "if these two have small or medium pairs, I might still get lucky and out flop them. Sure enough the flop comes Kc 2s 3c, the turn brings a 5, and the river brings a 4. The board gave me an ace to five straight and the other guy lost holding QJ, so I tripled up, and the woman won the extra 400 chips since I didn't have enough chips to win them.

This woman was piping mad, calling me a fish and telling me how I made such a terrible play moving all in with A 4 preflop. I asked, "what's wrong with going in with A 4?" She types in all caps "A 4 HAS NO SHOWDOWN VALUE! YOU WERE A HUGE UNDERDOG, BUT THAT'S POKER. YOU LIKE TO PLAY WITH LUCK INSTEAD OF SKILL YOU FCKING NEWBIE." She had me rolling, in fact, I knew that I was an underdog, but I was not going to wait for a premium two card hand and only have 100 chips to double or triple up. She says to me, that was a terrible move and only a donkey would make that move. So after I hee-hawed for a minute I then said to her, "well, showdown value has little to no value when you're on the verge of blinding out at any time in a tournament. There's nothing noble about folding until I'm forced to go all-in. I'd rather bust out with a chance to triple up, or spend my time more productively playing another tournament.

Ironically, me and the woman made it to the final table and I was a low to middle stack, by far the hardest stack to play, because you need to get chips in order for the other players to fear you. I raised Alice with 10 8 offsuit, and she moved all in with A J offsuit. She had so few chips that it only cost me 417 more than my bluff to call. Not to mention that I was getting 9 to 1 to call, so I called and although she had me beat preflop, I had two live cards to catch up to her. I didn't catch up though, but I still had 2400 in chips. I still had fold equity in going all in since a lot of the stacks weren't huge. A few hands later I get J 9 suited. Not a great hand, but this marginal hand can turn into a monster with help, but my hope was to get the blinds to lay their hands down so I could steal the blinds and antes. Of course, I the guy didn't fold and I ended up busting out to dude's KQ hand. Oh well, that's what I have to deal with in playing sngs, those frustrating times that I finish 2 seats out the money.

Getting back to the hand I lost to Alice's AJ, she was talking major shit to me. "That's for the A4 hand that you sucked out on me with!" I said "okay, I'll give you that." She proceeds to tell me that I'm a moron for calling her with 10 8 because her raise represented a good hand." Yes, it did, but when you're a short stack, you have very little fold equity. In fact, she had NO FOLD EQUITY. It costed less than the big blind to call her. Now why would I ever fold under those circumstances especially when I'm not in danger of elimination? I'll answer that for you... I'LL NEVER FUCKING EVER FOLD IN THAT SPOT! And you'll be surprised how many short stacks get busted by shit hands like my 10 8 when they have no fold equity.. that's poker, fucking deal with it!

Of course she goes on to state that I'm a huge fish and that I'm a new player who needs to learn how to play poker. Anyone who has read my novel knows that I have a pretty decent idea of how to play poker. More than likely, I've been playing poker longer than her, and even if I haven't, I'm still a better player than her. Of course I went on to tease by saying "yep, I'm a huge fish hook, line, and sinker! Put out a worm for me one time!" Now you see why it comes as no surprise when she was doing the happy dance when I got eliminated out of the money.. again, disappointing, but not a huge deal.. that's sit n go poker and if I can't handle losing a few spots out the money (on the bubble) then I don't fucking need to play poker. I would play checkers with KR's 3 year old son since there's never a fucking bubble there and it would probably be more fun anyway --although I enjoy playing poker too.

So when I busted, I decided to see how big of a pro Alice is. When I saw that she was only playing one $1.00+$0.20 sng and not playing any other sngs or cash games I lost the little respect that I had for her game there. I can't respect the opinion of no one who ain't making no fucking money playing sngs. If you only playing one $1.00+$0.20 sng where you can only win $14 at most, you're making $4.34 an hour if you win every tournament which no one ever does. Since her monkey ass is only making $1 every two days her poker advice isn't worth shit.

Readers, whose advice makes more sense:

Advice coming from someone who makes $1 every two days if she's lucky or advice coming from someone who made $52 today playing those same $1 sit n gos and has turned $74 into $241.44 so far?

And remember, I tell you the truth about when I lose and why I lose. Anyone can regurgitate advice regarding technical skill, and technical skill is an important foundation of your poker game, but its the intangibles that separate average tournament/sit n go players from the ones that win tournaments on a consistent basis. I'm also honest enough to tell you about the times where I don't have a process in place. For instance, today, I should have made $80, but I didn't register for tournaments often enough to maximize my time and profit, but oh well, I'll make sure to be more cognizant of time and tournaments that I'm playing.

My bankroll today is $241.44